| Gravity hurts. |
|
|
| 10:45pm 31/12/2002 |
| |
|
mood: drunk music: Marilyn Manson - Criptorchid
|
Well talking Sake bottle, we have come to an end, you and I. I have been in your thrall but, alas, you are empty and I am glad.
On a side note, I may have carpeting, but my floor is pretty fucking hard anywho.
Think I'll sleep now. Bye bye now. |
|
| |
|
(7 Elucidations | Analyze) |
| |
| The Sake is staring at me! |
|
|
| 10:27pm 31/12/2002 |
| |
|
mood: drunk music: Rasputina - The Olde Headboard
|
The Sake glass is staring at me, saying: "hey you, only two more drinks and the bottle is done..."
And I am say ing back, "No, no, I don't want to squeal like a howler monkey anymore! PLEEEEEEZE! Have mercy."
And the Sake is saying, "Fraid not. Drink up, fucker."
Oh God, help me. |
|
| |
|
(Analyze) |
| |
| Happy New Year n shit |
|
|
| 04:17pm 31/12/2002 |
| |
|
mood: moody music: Iris - Unknown (Hard & Soft Architec mix)
|
I'm not particularly excited about tonight but I am so fucking happy to see the ass-end of this year. It can't come fast enough.
Bye bye 2002, you bitch; I hope to never see a year the likes of you again. |
|
| |
|
(2 Elucidations | Analyze) |
| |
| |
|
|
| 04:14pm 28/12/2002 |
| |
|
mood: Done music: Fiction 8 - Let Go (Spank mix)
|
I have a knife
I’d like to perforate your skin,
make seams and
peel you open,
to rip into you the way you rip into me
I’d like to pierce your heart,
have it open for me
I want you vulnerable
when I lie down beside you
legs clasped,
mouths attached,
two sucking chest wounds pressed against each other,
great gaping needs swallowing everything,
and let myself become inoperative
so you can wash your hands in alcohol
and walk away from it all |
|
| |
|
(11 Elucidations | Analyze) |
| |
| Hrmmm... |
|
|
| 07:53pm 27/12/2002 |
| |
|
mood: confused music: Convenant - We Stand Alone
|
Though I was certain of something, now I'm not so cocksure.
Told myself not to be so damn confident. |
|
| |
|
(3 Elucidations | Analyze) |
| |
| Warning: Sentiments of a saccharine nature ahead.. |
|
|
| 12:04pm 19/12/2002 |
| |
Feelin fine.
Despite being sick and sore and all that other good stuff, and the fact that it is winter which I hate, I have been in an awesome mood lately. I'm not ecstatic or elated or anything, just feeling better than average. And since I am not, by nature, a "down" person, I'd have to say that I might even feel great. I don't even know why. I guess things have just been working themselves out in my head. I guess I just needed to remove myself from the circus for a while and get sorted. Thanks to anyone who's been supportive in any way, through friendship, companionship, theft or online inanity. (I'm not saying I'm done needing the support; I'm just thanking you for it now. :))
Since I have nothing amusing to say, I guess I'll shut up now before I make myself barf.
Oh wait, yes I do.
My hair looks mighty ass today. |
|
| |
|
(Analyze) |
| |
| How do you like your eggs, bitch? I might as well make you breakfast while I'm serving you your ass |
|
|
| 02:09am 14/12/2002 |
| |
|
mood: pumped music: Beborn Beton - Another World
|
Events of the night:
-was carried down the parking garage stairwell because I was wearing The Boots
-saw the Kreative Assassins again
-my bum was grabbed (my actual bum; they reached under my skirt)
-was offered money to step on someone (because of The Boots) but he only had $5 so I declined
-creepy man in leather mask kissed my hand and told me I was incredible (I did look pretty fucking hawt ;))
-saw Hot Rob *drools* (alas did not go home with Hot Rob, did not even talk to Hot Rob)
-feet are killing me because of *pause for effect* The Boots
-dumb stripper bitch knocked over a candle and spilled hot wax on my leg and The Boots (she must die)
 |
|
| |
|
(2 Elucidations | Analyze) |
| |
| |
|
|
| 02:54pm 08/12/2002 |
| |
|
mood: done music: Dot Allison - You Can Be Replaced
|
Disarmed
I am in pieces,
waiting for you to examine me
on clean white sheets,
strewn wide
Disassembled,
I can watch with remove
as you stroke what you approve
and toss the complexities aside,
I wish I'd known
before this excision
you’d be careless with my precision,
that you preferred
a more elementary design
and inferior construction,
before this reduction,
before you had me in pieces
Selfish and angry, and sloppy, and I am done with it. Bleh. |
|
| |
|
(2 Elucidations | Analyze) |
| |
| |
|
|
| 12:41pm 04/12/2002 |
| |
|
mood: weighing pros & cons of sanity
|
I think I could probably write some pretty good shit right now, but it would probably drive me insane. |
|
| |
|
(Analyze) |
| |
| Finished today... |
|
|
| 12:06am 27/11/2002 |
| |
|
mood: accomplished music: Clint Mansell - Lux Aeterna
|
Ventilation
Going under
under your ministrations,
I am suffocating on elation
Counting backward,
the room gets blacker
Your fingers filter my inhalations
and wring out satisfaction
You lift away your hands,
leaving bruises where you’ve been
Air returns to my lungs of tin,
ventilating in
I breathe again |
|
| |
|
(Analyze) |
| |
| A lesson on tigers |
|
|
| 03:46pm 21/11/2002 |
| |
|
mood: Silly/mad music: Primal Scream - Kill All Hippies
|
Doesn't matter how small it is, when a tiger is injured, don't go poking at its wounds.
Rawr!
This message brought to you by the Discovery Channel. |
|
| |
|
(7 Elucidations | Analyze) |
| |
| Did this one today... |
|
|
| 10:27pm 20/11/2002 |
| |
|
mood: accomplished music: Aim - Cold Water Music
|
I surface blank
from your sensory deprivation tank,
your stimulus dripping down
my slickness,
your absence sinking in
my skin
Your omission leaves uncertainty,
a breathless sort of vacancy,
a passiveness,
a sense of waiting to break down |
|
| |
|
(Analyze) |
| |
| Just finished this |
|
|
| 09:47pm 07/10/2002 |
| |
|
mood: accomplished music: Peter Murphy - I'll Fall with your Knife
|
Your Ether
Operating blindly
under your careless anesthetic,
I’d like to cut into the mass of me
to find the flaw that makes you so relieved
and remove the sickness cleanly
But your ether weighs so heavy
It crushes me to dust,
grinds my insides finely
and dissolves away my energy
So I remove what I can reach,
wanting pangs of reassurance,
pricking for signs of feeling,
before this detachment numbs me |
|
| |
|
(Analyze) |
| |
| Conversations about penii |
|
|
| 01:21am 28/09/2002 |
| |
|
mood: awake music: SRC - Vulcan
|
Me: Do you have a watch on?
Him: Can't you tell?
Me: Huh?
Him: Wait, what did you ask me?
Me: I said, do you have a watch on?
Him: Oh, I thought you asked if I had a hard-on.
(I laugh.)
Him: Hard-on yes, watch on no.
Me: (laughing) OK.
Later...
Him: We're wearing the same nail polish.
Me: Did you paint your toenails too?
Him: No, but I did paint the head of my...
Me: Oh man!
Him: Oh ya, you've never seen the sick and perverted me before. When the two of you were together, I respected that, but now that you're not together, I can talk about my cock all I want. (Pause.) Consider that the first inappropriate comment of the night.
Ya, it was time to leave. |
|
| |
|
(2 Elucidations | Analyze) |
| |
| Found this poem that I wrote a while ago but still quite like |
|
|
| 08:15pm 01/09/2002 |
| |
The Model
I stand here an untitled mess
till you reduce me one dimension less
The ruthless lancing of my imperfections
strips me with a quickness
that hits me like a fist
Lust is evident in the lines
for an excellence in the paper fineness
that the flesh does not possess,
an infatuation for the distillation
that renders the body useless |
|
| |
|
(Analyze) |
| |
| |
|
|
| 07:58pm 29/08/2002 |
| |
I was in an old neighbourhood today and as I passed by certain "landmarks", I had some funny memories.
When I was in University, I used to live in this shithole apartment across the street from a scummy dive bar, the DH. This made it very convenient to stumble home after a rough night.
I remember running out of there one night in a total panic, just flying on some strong LSD. I didn't say a word to my friends there, I just took off. Of course, they knew where I went. About an hour later (to my mind anyway, it could have been 2 hrs, it could have been 10 mins) my friends crossed the street to find me in my apartment, trippin out, lying in bed with my coat and dirty winter boots on, waving my hands in front of my face.
I thought I was gonna die at the time but it's funny as hell now. Man, the idiotic things I used to do...
Is youth wasted on the young? Damn straight. |
|
| |
|
(2 Elucidations | Analyze) |
| |
| At the bus stop... |
|
|
| 06:20pm 05/07/2002 |
| |
he: Damn, you look like a covergirl. You got style, girl. Bet you get that all the time, people callin you a covergirl.
me: Nope.
he: Bet I made your day then.
me: You sure did.
he: no one ever called you a covergirl before, this the first time?
me: Yup.
he: Damn, I'm original. I know beauty when I see it.
me: Ha.
he: You the beauty, I'm the beast.
me: Haha, oh shit.
he: What's your name, Beautiful?
(I tell him.)
he: I'm Johnny, they call me Hammer. I'm in the limousine business. I'm with Elegance Limousine. So, you need a limo, you call Hammer.
me: I'll remember.
he: See you later, Beautiful.
me: Alright.
Surreal :) |
|
| |
|
(Analyze) |
| |
| |
|
|
| 02:44pm 30/05/2002 |
| |
|
mood: blah music: Jesus and Mary Chain - Crackin Up
|
Got an invitation to join a modelling agency today. Whoopty-fucking-doo. There's no way I can get to Toronto on weekends now. I think I'm going to just cancel the photoshoot. It will just cut into time I need for other things. If this were happening at any other time, it would probably bother me that I can't try it out at least. Right now, it's nowhere near a priority.
On a side note,
pass 20 jackasses in a row, at least one will say something negative.
Also, saw the sweetest little dress today. Now all I need is money to buy it and a reason to wear it. |
|
| |
|
(2 Elucidations | Analyze) |
| |
| Alcoholic conversations |
|
|
| 12:10am 27/05/2002 |
| |
|
mood: pleased music: Ladytron - Playgirl
|
Had a great time with my friend on the weekend, but she brought up a funny thing. She said she could never be in a threeway with me (we were drinking an awful lot) because she could never live up to my performance. So the question is, just who has been talking about my performance? |
|
| |
|
(1 Elucidation | Analyze) |
| |
| How I know I'm miserable: |
|
|
| 03:26am 13/05/2002 |
| |
Stupid little self-destructive urges keep popping into my head. I want to get wasted in the afternoon. I want morphine. I want opium. I want throw-away sex in the bathroom of a club with a stranger. I want to do dangerous things, and I want the bruises to show for it.
Will I do any of this? Of course not, but I'm itchin' to. |
|
| |
|
(3 Elucidations | Analyze) |
| |
| |
|
|
| 10:05am 11/05/2002 |
| |
|
mood: annoyed music: Rammstein - Kuss Mich
|
My list of people to tase (so far):
#1) Eskimo Lady
#2) the bastard who told his friend to follow me and rape me. Yes, I heard you.
Now all I need is that taser. |
|
| |
|
(4 Elucidations | Analyze) |
| |
| Not sure if this is finished yet |
|
|
| 01:10pm 03/05/2002 |
| |
|
mood: Going to see Spiderman! music: Legion of Green Men - Synaptic Response
|
Strung on old addictions,
we decay
We are the dead meat
hanging heavy on lines,
violated slowly by time
Hooked to new revelations
I require
an extrication,
not another dissection
We crave disintegration
We desire
the death of tension,
an end to this suspension,
a disconnection |
|
| |
|
(Analyze) |
| |
| I can't decide if I think this is awful yet... |
|
|
| 10:18am 02/05/2002 |
| |
|
mood: contemplative music: Unkle - Bloodstain
|
I wrote this a couple of days ago but just finished editing it...
When possibilities seem endless
and hope seems a good thing,
previously covert,
order will assert itself
a pattern of restriction
I can feel my future focusing,
tightening toward a locus,
and my resentment blasts everything along its path
but is it the path itself I struggle with,
or is it the constriction?
I wish I could answer with conviction |
|
| |
|
(4 Elucidations | Analyze) |
| |
| Fuck, I've been murdered. |
|
|
| 02:53pm 30/04/2002 |
| |
|
mood: aggravated music: KMFDM - Brute
|
I really though I'd start this off with something more serious but...
I have a bone to pick with a certain little wax-happy facist who turned be back into a little girl today. To treat myself, I went into a dive today where they'll do all sorts of things to you that they probably shouldn't for a low price. They'll cut hair, they'll wax, hell, they'll even lance warts.
I just wanted a bikini wax and she fucking Brazilled me. She had the nerve to ask me if it was my first time and reassure me that "second and third time better." I mean, the price was great and the pain mostly tolerable, but I don't want to have to maintain this. As soon as I got home, i had to check out the damage. Jesus, this isn't sexy, this is a massacre. |
|
| |
|
(2 Elucidations | Analyze) |
| |
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
whipsnade's journal